I have been reading fellow single mum/full-time working mums posts as its a topic close to my heart and it has raised a question that I often ponder over; What is the difference between a single full-time working mum and a ‘coupled‘ full-time working mums life, how do they vary or differ. Is one easier than the other, is having another adult to share the responsibilities with make things bearably or do they just constantly feel let down? I am often asked ‘how do you do it, how do you cope on your own’
Every-bodies story is different and every family has its own story so I am not comparing just making observations I guess…
Fact is they both have an awful lot on their plate! And in my opinion I would say from my own experience of having been both, single working mums life is simpler. I will explain why shortly…
Background:
I left my husband three years ago, have sporadic financial support from him. Apart from a six month period shortly after our separation I have always worked full-time. The girls attend the local primary school and go to the after school club. I have a boyfriend who I really only see in the evenings once the girls are often in bed. Fantastic parents who care for the girls should I have to travel.
I don’t feel as a single mum I have it hard, hard was surviving an unhappy marriage, raising a family, working full-time and running a household. Now I just have to contemplate the last three things.
I think in a nut shell the thing that makes it easier for me is the fact I know its all down to me; all expectations for anybody else’s help has ceased. I don’t feel angst because the bins haven’t been taken out. That’s my responsibility. I don’t feel frustrated because I’m having to drive the girls to their after school activities after a hard day at work. That’s my responsibility. I want to get a babysitter and spend my money on a evening out, I do it! As soon as I didn’t have someone else to rely on or feel I need to justify myself to all the annoyances went away; my rules, my way.
Often when I speak to my coupled girlfriends the same issues are discussed ‘he is so lazy‘ or ‘I work to, so why am I the one left looking after the babies in the evening whilst he goes out‘ I used to be asked often do I get lonely and I would think to myself not as lonely as the situation you are describing and you are the one that’s ‘coupled’.
The ideal situation for any family would be when the the two adults work in partnership, responsibilities are shared… how often is this really the case though? I really should look at some stats to see how many full-time working mums feel they share the household/family responsibilities with their partner?
The biggest struggle I have during the day is that time of getting home with the girls and trying to juggle making dinner, doing homework, going to gymnastics or swimming lessons etc. Its a task at 6pm that seems to be so chaotic even though its a well practised routine. Another pair of hands would be greatly appreciated. But im sure that most working mums share this feeling as some husbands won’t be home from work till 7pm (ish) or they work away.
Women over the years have fought hard to have equal rights now it seems that we almost have them along with all of our previous responsibilities too.
So to be honest I don’t think there is really a huge difference between us. Its bloody hard work either way you look at it. You just have to get on with it and do it and remember the positives to why you are doing it. A good role model? To provide a nice home for your family? Because it is a part of who you are?
moimarimadi 